2005-04-19 - 1:53 a.m.

when something so truly out of the ordinary happens, it sticks with you. it stays with you long after it's over, clinging to you as you shuffle through the rest of the hours of your life until the next big thing strikes. because when something so extraordinary happens, it makes the rest of your life pale in comparison to those few moments where SOMETHING WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

most of life is the black line going from A to B. The dots of A and B, representing the actual beats of your life, or a story that begins "you'll never believe what happened", are simply just small dots. They are never continuous, long, drawn out - they are rarely even big dots, or slim rectangles. Just brief moments, the moments you'll remember. Everything else is just filler.

I hate waiting for these moments. Sometimes I just wish I never get from A to B, because i know once I hit B, i'll have to leave again and feel as though something is gone. That absence of emotion kills. Kiss me, kill me, touch me, thrill me - just let SOMETHING HAPPEN.

now that something HAS happened, i can't let it go. I want it again. Like a drug. Now that I've done it once (or rather, twice), it won't be such a big deal the next time. Then after that, it will be commonplace. It will be part of my everyday life. Then I will need something new to be extraordinary, to make me feel like I am living and life is spontaneous and thrilling and holds open a countless amount of doors and options, waiting to be played out.

When nothing happens, I see no point to keep going down the line. Everyday has no purpose - it is just filler.

I get infatuated much too easily.

"the road you didn't take never comes to mind... does it? the roads i never took, where would they have led? the dreams I'll never have never come to mind.. do they? do they?"

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